Thursday, August 19, 2010

The C Word

I hate the C word. Cancer. It’s such an ugly word. I looked up the definition and it says cancer is a malignant and invasive growth or tumor, esp. one originating in epithelium(a tissue composed of cells that line the cavities and surfaces of structures throughout the body.), tending to recur after excision and to metastasize(spread from one part of the body to another.) to other sites. Another definition that I find fitting is any evil condition or thing that spreads destructively. When someone gets cancer people try and say things to make you feel better like, “Oh they caught it early” or “It’s just a small cancer” or other such things. Like that will make up for the horrible feeling of knowing someone you love has a growth that is KILLING THEM! Even if you do catch it early it doesn’t change the fact that in some small way it is injuring the person and could be fatal if left untreated! Who cares if it’s just a small cancerous tumor? The fact is that it is STILL cancerous. If that’s not cause for being upset than I don’t know what is.
When someone you love gets any form of cancer it feels like a cannon ball to the stomach that wasn’t generous enough to kill you. Just maim you and leave you with recurring pain. Even when you are reassured by doctors, family, friends etc that everything will be ok, deep down in the back of your mind you wonder if it really will be ok. There’s always that chance that it won’t and your whole life will be changed forever. You picture how your life would be without that person and it makes you sick. You worry about all the things you’ve said and done and how it affected them. You want to do something but you don’t know what. You feel helpless. You want to be strong for them and show them that you are there for them and they can count on you. There are so many things that you want to do and say, but you can’t.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I'm such a Lame-O!

So I was looking at my blog and I realized I haven't blogged since MAy! What the Crap Jessica?! I'd like to say I've been really busy, but honestly not that busy. I've been really stressed, does that count? As most of you know I graduated in December, but since then not much has happened. I haven't been living up to my "potential". Jobs are scarce and according to my parents I haven't been trying hard enough. Maybe I haven't, but in all honesty, I'm kinda scared. But now it's down to the wire and I really need a job. Farmington schools are on a hiring freeze and others around San Juan County are scarce. I might have to be a full time substitute, but that doesn't have benefits which I need. Gosh soo many factors of stress in my life! It's agonizing! ARG!

But enough with the heavy stuff.

In other news, I'm a GinGER!!!! (that means I'm a redhead!)
Me and My Bestie Terra! We love us some Tie Dye!!!
Me and one of my best Guy friends Charlie Kerby(I call him Kerby) You might recognize my glasses and I have to tell you...they are now prescription! HOLLA!
Thanks for listening to my blathering rants! Loves y'all!